Critic's Grade: D

In his follow-up to his premiere feature "The Last Battle," Luc Besson injects all the 80's stylistic influences and kitsch he can muster for "Subway," the type of movie that pleads for a reason to exist. The nonsensical plot carries us into the subterranean catacombs of the Parisian Metro system, where an expert safecracker named Fred (Christopher Lambert) is on the lam from the police and the mob after robbing the wife (Isabelle Adjani) of a millionaire, with whom he is now in love. While down there he meets a variety of uninteresting, nameless characters, including a thief (Jean-Hugues Anglade) whose roller-skating abilities allow for quick and elusive getaways, and a drummer (Jean Reno) who takes his sticks wherever he goes.

If this plot summation has failed to garner your interest, you're in for a sorrily-spent hour-and-a-half should you choose to experience the real thing. With writing credits that include up to five different collaborators, "Subway" appropriately feels like a mixed bag of ill-conceived diversions and storylines that go virtually nowhere, lacking in any sort of wit, humor, or intrigue, to say nothing of the complete absence of tension. The cast, although easy on the eyes, are unable to resurrect their characters from the labyrinthian depths of boredom in which they forever dwell, and soon enough, the supposed perks of the quirkier roles becoming increasingly annoying. It is Besson, however, who truly disappoints: one has to wonder how he ever managed to get on his feet after slop like this. One of the more forgettable Besson films.

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