Frank's film tip: There's absolutely nothing arresting about the tumbleweed tripe behind the prettyboy pretentions of Texas Rangers
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As if movie audiences weren't fed enough bland-tasting chow with last summer's feeding of the "studmuffins-in-spurs" western dud "American Outlaws", here comes the insufferable "Texas Rangers", another feeble chance to mix current pop culture pretty boys with the nostalgic nuances of the West. This dissolving, dusty-trailed actioner tells the real life tale of the Texas Rangers, a group of law-abiding justice-seekers looking to run out nasty outlaws, bandits, and other vermin who dare to threaten Texas land with their dubious presence in 1875. This film is so inept in terms of everything from the sketchy acting to the choppy editing that it is no wonder that Miramax kept this fleeting flick on the shelf for almost two years before finally deciding to release it. Texas Rangers is a generic, gun-toting fable that is about as appetizing as recycled chewing tobacco.

We are introduced to former preacher-turned-leader Leander McNally (Dylan McDermott from TV's "The Practice"), a Bible-toting figurehead who fronts the Texas Rangers with determined vigor. The posse of unlikely heroes that he recruits to partake in the protection of the southern Texan border are notable TV heartthrobs James Van Der Beek ("Dawson's Creek"), Ashton Kutcher ("That '70's Show"), Robert Patrick, and pop singer Usher Raymond. Their sworn duty is to control the chaotic atmosphere that threatens to permeate the territory. This is particularly important because the Texas Rangers are picking up the slack for the state troopers whom had to abandon their post of contolling the area to fight in the Civil War. McNally and his motley crew are out to maintain law and order, even if it means sacrificing their lives for the effort. The main focus of their plans is to combat the evil-minded King Fisher (Alfred Molina), a shamelessly villainous rogue who's in charge of an impressive renegade of dirty-fisted outlaws. Fisher's followers are armed more significantly than the do-gooding ragtag Texas Rangers. But the Rangers have a sole purpose in mind...and that's to protect their women and the honor of their badges. Hmmm, I'd rather take my chances with Clint Eastwood and an unreliable sling shot to preserve my safety (and interest in this wasteful movie) than endure the psuedo-heroic hokum of McNally and his band of bullet-baiting boytoys.

Texas Rangers is a dull, laughable cactus costume drama that has no significant appeal to it other than to boast the empty machismo antics of its leads. There are a cattle herd of monotonous cliches' that infest this film. Whether clumsily reinforcing the plot regarding Van Der Beek's revenge against the black-hearted Molina for having slaughtered his beloved family or throwing in the women folk (Rachael Leigh Cook as a desirable rancher's daughter, Leonar Varela as a lusty senorita-type, etc.) as a way of supporting the testosterone-based chivalry, Texas Rangers is as viable a competent western as featuring an intriguing shootout at the OK Corral with water pistols! This film is a myopic display of suspect acting, a plodding storyline that drags more convincingly than a donkey's broken hind leg, and grainly cinematography that's reminicent of a dirt-laden ghost town. The characters aren't involving enough to get you excited about their adventures nor do you get a sense of historic insightfulness regarding the plight of these off-kilter law-abiding avengers.

It was been rumored that Miramax invested a lot of "deniro" into this western cross between "Young Guns" and "Teen Beat". The direction by Steve is achingly unimaginative and the screenplay is considerably choppy and uninspired for the likes of John Milius ("Apocalypse Now") and Ehren Kruger ("Reindeer Games") to have contributed. Believe me, with fare such as "Texas Rangers" and "American Outlaws" daring to burst on the screen with deceiving confidence, we all can see how the West was really "wane"...er, I mean "won".

Frank rates this film: * star (out of 4 stars)

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