Critic's Grade: D-

Deck the halls with belching morons,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
'Tis the time to change your tampon,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don we now our gay apparel (get it? Gay? Hehehe!)
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Time to watch a film that's terrible,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

If the mentality behind such a song sounds a bit below the public consensus, then you'd do well to stay away from "Eight Crazy Nights," the latest nail in the coffin of Adam Sandler's career, who seems to be tailspinning faster than Eddie Murphy (if that's at all possible). A concept that only its creators could love, this animated junkheap is a wasteland of potty humor, offensive gags and one-liners, and some of the lamest filmmaking this side of "The Adventures of Pluto Nash." The plot concerns all-around screw-up Davey Stone (voiced by Sandler), whose tragic past has left him embittered and distant from those around him, especially during the holidays. His latest bid to ruin the Christmas spirit lands him in a hot spot: he can either serve ten years in prison, or come under the wing of longtime basketball ref Whitey (also voiced by Sandler), who dreams of winning the town's highest award for all the work he has done. As you could probably guess, the two bicker, fight, argue, and drive one another crazy, but eventually they learn something from each other that makes them a better person.

Doesn't it just make you want to saw "Aww?" Or how about "EWW!" Chances are that if you like your yuletide comedy in certain forms, then this is going to feel like eight nights-worth of torture and unprecedented pain and suffering. No surprise that it took four different writers to come up with not a single original or entertaining idea; running gags concerning body hair, multiple bosoms (although the line "Mrs. Triple-Nipple" wasn't half bad), various forms of excrement (human and reindeer), bestiality, and Whitey's balding sister Eleanore, all have such a foul taste that stinks of good old-fashioned idiocy. Sandler has always been one to speak his mind, leaving no subset of society out of his generally funny humor; here, however, it's used to such miniscule effect that people are more likely to take offense to his lambasting of fat people and the elderly than they are to laugh with him. For me, I didn't much care for anything the film had to offer. The jokes are lame; the voicing is uninspired; the whole experience is akin to watching reindeer feces turn white. "Eight Crazy Nights," despite a running time of less than ninety minutes, feels longer than its title.

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