Critic's Grade: C-

Frank's film tip: No need to keep the meter running for the blustery bumper-to-bumper antics of TAXI, the jumpy and juvenile buddy-buddy cop action-comedy that teams insufferable ex-SNL funnyman Jimmy Fallon with the bubbly buxon Queen Latifah

There are definitely three things that are assured in the unpredictable game of life: death, taxes, and the tiresome reality that another heralded ex-Saturday Night Live cast member would depart New York's Rockefeller Center for the flexible big screen stardom of Hollywood moviemaking. This time, standout funnyman Jimmy Fallon is afforded the royal treatment of leaving behind SNL's late night lunacy to star in a ready-made vehicle that's supposed to capitalize on his breakout status as a late night star. Well, the vicious cycle continues to dog the majority of opportunistic SNLers who ditch their familiar bread-and-butter platform for the so-called greener pastures of flaccid filmmaking.

In director Tim Story's overactive and idiotic buddy-buddy action-comedy cop caper Taxi, the high jinks are magnified by luscious and lean modeling babes along with the accompaniment of exaggerated cartoonish car chases (not to mention the constant nonsensical mugging of a showy Fallon). Story's ridiculously raucous law enforcing laugher is a conventionally half-baked hoot that takes pleasure in portraying urban madness as a goofy shoot ?em up session for mismatched headliners Fallon and talented singer-actress Queen Latifah. The pairing must have been inspiring in its contrast because Latifah brings her trademark radiance and sassiness while Fallon celebrates his fratboy frivolity that helped him become SNL's preferred "It" personality during his comical reign on the legendary long-running variety show. The traffic-related turmoil and the two leads with their labored give-and-take banter make Story's spotty narrative an indifferent actioner to swallow. Bottom line: folks, save your cab fare because the frightfully foolish and formulaic Taxi is one extremely banal and bumpy ride.

Taxi is the tedious retread that's based upon screenwriter Luc Besson's excitable 1998 French farce blockbuster. Knuckleheaded New York cop Washburn (Fallon) is good at what he does on the job but he has one serious flaw--the man cannot drive a car if his life depended on it. Always in the perpetual mode of banging up automobiles and other objects that get in his way, Washburn is disciplined by his attractive-looking superior Lt. Marta Robbins (Jennifer Esposito). She takes away Washburn's driver's license due to his poor driving skills. And thus the audience has the on-going joke concerning Washburn's inability to get behind a wheel to do his duty effectively. One might have to think along the lines of a fireman not standing the constant heat or a construction worker afraid of heights. A pure riot, huh?

When a local bank robbery is in process, Washburn has no choice but to hail a cab since he's banned from accessing an operating vehicle. The taxi that Washburn will use in pursuit of the bank robbing baddies belongs to brassy Belle Williams (Queen Latifah), a speed demon hackney hussy with the noted reputation of burning rubber in the busy streets of NYC. Belle worships her juiced-up four-wheeled machine and dreams of a NASCAR career with her delirious driving capabilities. And when she's not racing around the Big Apple at insane speeding levels, Belle can be seen being cozy with her nicely built bronzed boyfriend Jesse (Henry Simmons from ABC-TV's NYPD Blue).

Naturally, Belle finds her spontaneous hook-up with Washburn rather intriguing since he needs her to drive like some frenzied madwoman which gives her the legitimate excuse to demonstrate some reckless and rollicking road maneuvers. The unlikely partnership is etched in stone--Washburn and Belle are joined by the legal hip in trying to hunt down the elusive bank robbers as they methodically make their way around the city causing havoc. As in any arbitrary and flippant actioner, both Fallon's Washburn and Latifah's Belle learn to bond gradually as they partake in the zaniness that brings them together. See Washburn stumble and bumble his way to his police authority's heart. See Belle teach Washburn how to drive and chill like the homegirl that she is in fun-loving spirit. See Washburn and Belle exchange sharp-tongued barbs toward each other and the participants that get tangled up in their manufactured mayhem. See Washburn and Belle find a personal redemption in the frantic union that binds them over a series of hysterical gas pedal-to-the-metal moments.

As for the bank robbers themselves, they turn out to be sophisticated Brazilian supermodels that have the penchant for carrying out stylish heists. They are thoroughly equipped to perform their illegal activities and have the ultimate getaway car to assist them--an impressive BMW 745i that roars from location to location at will. The treacherous tarts are led by Vanessa (Gisele Bundchen) whose destructive driving methods are equal to those of ballsy Belle's. The film never really bothers to answer why these foreign leggy lawbreakers want to bother robbing banks or the motivation behind why these operations have to be carried out? Plus, is there a specific emphasis for why the curvy cunning crooks have to be supermodels with various skills in hold-ups and handguns? Granted the film probably wants to play up the titillating factor featuring hot harlots and careening cars as the guilty pleasure package of surging suspense. But at least the filmmakers could have added a minor rhyme to their reasoning as to what fuels this outlandish octane-induced exposition.

As an entertainment, Taxi is in need of a desperate oil change. While the movie's super-charged car chases are somewhat poetic in its boisterous lyrical gear, the rest of this mindless revved-up cop comedy feels so straining. With the same old bursting clich?s coming out at the seams, Story doesn't seem to elevate Taxi beyond its meager motorized means. What we get here are the typical crass jokes, sexual sight gags, and run-of-the-mill ribaldry that are routinely associated with these hyperactive flicks that encourage the sluggish spectrum of mating cars in mid-air and the clashing cohorts that carelessly steer them.

Overall, Story's posturing pumped-up popcorn pleaser teeters on the ho-hum been-there-done-that sentiment. This is a cross-eyed confection that awkwardly recalls almost every heavily pithy partner-in-crime showcase that highlights the similar outline: squabbling personalities chewing up the scenery while using the whole urban landscape as their protrusive playground. Taxi could be an indirect hybrid that is glaringly reminiscent of the annoying yet popularized The Fast and the Furious mixed in with Latifah's previously funky female-oriented 1996 heisting hit Set It Off..

While Fallon was indeed a riot-in-a-half in his seven-year association with SNL, his peppy portrayal of wayward Washburn on the big screen feels so arrogantly concocted. The planted smirks and attention-getting grimaces were occasionally cutesy and comfortable for the live setting under SNL boss Lorne Michaels's irreverent watch. However, under Story's chaotic direction in Taxi Fallon comes off as an insufferable show-off whose doltish antics seem quite off-putting. Latifah is better suited as the bombastic Belle who has the pizzazz and charming rambunctious cache to carry off her roguish role as a cement-footed cabbie with unlimited spunk.

There's not much meat on the bone with Esposito's part as the exasperated yet radiant Robbins that Fallon's Washburn reports to with reluctance. However, she does what she can to instill some lapses of luster into her top police woman persona. The exotic-looking Bundchen actually has the giddy time of her life as the hormonal high-thigh thief involved in the cruising cat-and-mouse craziness that consumes her determined detractors. As Vanessa, Bundchen delightfully plays the eye-candy card as fetchingly free-wheeling as possible. She's seductive and cynical even though the misguided material doesn't support her potential as a solidly viable vixen with sordid edginess. And look for the worthy and warped chuckles from veteran screen siren Ann-Margaret as Fallon's/Washburn's alcoholic mother. She's a scream and contributes one of the more devilishly ingredients in this comedic car crash.

The next time you are tempted to ride shotgun with the infuriating Fallon in Taxi, try to consider hitchhiking as a considerable option.

Frank rates this film: ** stars (out of 4 stars)

All Reviews by Frank Ochieng
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