Critic's Grade: D

Frank's film tip: Carvey needs to go incognito with the flaccid family flick "The Master of Disguise"
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If actor-comedian Dana Carvey was a true master of disguise, he would consider taking on another identity--that of an embarrassed performer with a raincoat draped over his head! In the desperately numbing family comedy "The Master of Disguise", Carvey partakes in what amounts to be one of the most insructably inane and hopelessly hollow films of the year. Granted, the comedian has been away from the big screen for a while now. But to reemerge with this utterly baffling piece of juvenile nonsense is indeed quite inconsolable. After the repertoire of memorable characterizations that Carvey has generously displayed for the public through his hilarious years on "Saturday Night Live" and in numerous live concerts, it is definitely a come down to see the resilient comic attached to this excruciating, infantile flick. Conversely, Carvey needs to go incognito with the flaccid family fare "The Master of Disguise".

Amazingly, Carvey intentionally delivered this atrocity under his own creative vibes by co-writing the incomprehensible script with Harris Goldberg. The decision to star in a kid-friendly vehicle undoubtedly is an admirable and conscientious choice. But Carvey unwittingly wastes his talent in an overbearing, woefully scatterbrained exorcise that is neither terribly funny nor remotely imaginative. The audience, mainly the astute tykes, will probably dismiss this disposable vehicle as some momentary dunderheaded session where Carvey gets to exhaust his typical impersonations ad nauseum. To quote one of Carvey's well-known and beloved SNL personas in that of the Church Lady: "Hmmm...isn't that special?".

Carvey plays Pistachio Disguisey, a hapless Italian waiter who toils about in his father's restaurant. Apparently, Pistachio has this unexplainable knack for imitating the customers. Little did Pistachio realize is that his father Fabbrizio (James Brolin) is from the on-going familial seed that produced crime-fighting Italian disguise masters. This, of course, may explain why Pistachio has this penchant for imitation after all. For the most part, Fabbrizio has never revealed his past as a crime fighter.

Unfortunately, Fabbrizio's past has come back to haunt him. One of his former nemesis, Bowman (Brent Spiner), has returned to the scene after being locked up courtesy of a 20-year prison sentence (thanks to Fabbrizio's efforts, of course). Anyway, Bowman seeks his revenge and kidnaps his sworn enemy and his wife (Edie McClurg) in hopes of settling the score for his previous incarceration.

In the meanwhile, Pistachio's grandfather (Harold Gould) shows up out of nowhere to instruct his grandson how to track down his missing parents while teaching him the mystical nuances of the ancient House of Disguisey. Naturally, this extended plotline is to capitalize on the inflated and distracting antics in which Carvey's Pistachio gets to engage in with tiring results. It also serves as an excuse to introduce the ravishing Jennifer (Jennifer Esposito), an assistant hired by Pistachio to accompany him on his misadventures.

Among the efforts in trying to search for clues, Pistachio dons a "bald-headed turtle suit" in an attempt to get up and close to his father's foe Bowman. The sight gag is a joy to behold and there are other costumed cretins that bring out the wackiness in convincing fashion. But despite Carvey's constant dressing up, the shtick can only go so far as to contributing immensely to the slight, empty-headed mish mash material.

As a brainless and flimsy comedy, "The Master of Disguise" simply languishes in its lame conventions. Saturated in overwrought Italian stereotypes and childishly making a few references to the derriere, this film--much like Carvey's goofy protagonist--dons many identities while trying to pinpoint its purpose. And for good measure, the film hastily sprinkles itself with pointless celebrity cameos (Bo Derek, Jessica Simpson, Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura--doesn't he have a state to run instead of appearing in this trick-or-treat tripe?).

First-time filmmaker Perry Andelin Blake helms this 80-minute fruitless farce with the urgency of an uncontrollable mack truck ramming off the darn road. And there's no immediate surprise to see that Carvey's former SNL cohort Adam Sandler taking on the dubious role of executive-producing this dimwitted ditty. While Carvey frantically reaches for his inspired nuttiness, his supporting players are left without much guidance. Esposito is only effective as this film's window-dressing diva so her role as yummy eye candy is immediately realized. And Spiner is handed an arbitrary villainous part that cartoon creep Snidley Whiplash probably would have played with more devilish depth. Thankfully, Brolin is restrained and palatable as the slippery Fabbrizio while character actor Gould overacts a bit as the "Karate Kid"-esque mentor-grandfather with the two cent wisdom.

There's no need to reveal the true face behind the horrendously bad offering of "The Master of Disguise". Joyless and lumbering in insipid silliness, this movie may make us all want to put a mask on and take on a whole new disguise. Talking about battling an identity crisis!

Frank rates this film: * and a half stars (out of 4 stars)

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