Critic's Grade: D+

In Hollywood, there are good classics and there are bad classics, and then there's "The Quiet Man," a plodding relic of Tinseltown's golden era of cinematography and the chemistry of high-profile stars. There's much to admire in John Ford's epic vision of the lush countryside of Ireland, and we're not talking just background paintings and substitute locations. The vistas are as real as the sheer sense of boredom and despondency one feels when the film has ended... that and some elated relief that you survived the comatose state.

First, the goods: Ford does manage to give us something visually enticing, capturing a portrait of Ireland that is absolutely delicious and full of splendor. In addition to this, he also instills a deep-rooted local color in his characters and settings, giving the film a real flavor. The cast also shines, even when their roles do not: John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara share an underlying sensuality that practically scorches the screen in certain places.

It's in the story, the action, the development, and the ludicrousness of the romance, that things fall apart. Wayne plays Sean Thornton, a former American boxer returning to his homeland after an incident that resulted in an opponent's death (we learn this from a seriously-misplaced flashback, but the emotional toll the event took on Thornton is lost in the haste of the scene). He receives a hearty welcome from those who remember him as a child, though his intent to purchase a piece of property doesn't sit so well with Will Danaher (Victor McLaglen), who just happens to be the brother of one Mary Kate Danaher (O'Hara), with whom Thornton falls instantly in love.

There's one simple problem keeping them from consumating their love after marriage: Danaher won't give up his sister's dowry, and she refuses to get jiggy with it unless her rugged husband comes back with the cold hard cash. This leads to her attempt to leave him, his literally dragging her back over miles of rugged terrain, and a brawl between husband and brother that lacks punch or intensity. I just don't get this movie: the story is nowhere near interesting or involving, the characters are irritating and one-sided, the romance has no potency or juice, and the scenes of brutality towards women are just plain weird. Even as Wayne is dragging O'Hara over the grass by her shirt collar, a townswoman runs up and hands him a stick; "To beat your wife with," she tells him. Whoa!

I'm sure that out there in the big wide world, there are thousands upon millions of people praising the movie to no end. I'm happy to say I'm in the minority on this one; "The Quiet Man" is all spectacle and no soul, a flat, unmoving antique that works as a sleep aid, but little else.

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